Brett Younger: The Bible in Just Six Words
Hemingway's "For sale: baby shoes, never worn" is the most famous six word story, but others have also tried to tell an entire story in just six words:
"Hmm, that's new," the doctor said.
Python eats porcupine. Regrets it later.
Convicted hacker escapes using hidden file.
Only child, but never the favorite.
My headstone was a participation trophy.
What if we tried to tell the stories in the Bible with only six words?
God makes good stuff really fast. (Genesis 1)
Sly snake. Sneaky woman. Stupid man. (Genesis 2-3)
Should have created more brotherly love. (Genesis 4)
Rain. Boat. Animals. Noah gets drunk. (Genesis 6-8)
Tall tower falls. No United Nations. (Genesis 11)
Abraham leaves for God knows where. (Genesis 12)
Isaac starts to hate Father's Day. (Genesis 22)
Momma's boy tricks slow big brother. (Genesis 27)
Climbing Jacob's ladder makes great song. (Genesis 28)
Jacob is, surprisingly, a big-time wrestler. (Genesis 32)
Joseph dreams, tells brothers, road trip. (Genesis 37)
Potiphar's wife acts like desperate housewife. (Genesis 39)
Pharaoh's dream gets Joseph early parole. (Genesis 41)
Baby in boat. Questionable parenting decision. (Exodus 2)
Blood. Frogs. Gnats. Flies. Six more. (Exodus 7-12)
Charlton Heston parts the Red Sea. (Exodus 14)
Ten things you should not do. (Exodus 20)
Aaron learns to make golden calf. (Exodus 32)
Ikea style instructions for a tabernacle. (Exodus 35-40)
Ten cowardly spies. Two James Bonds. (Numbers 13-14)
Poisonous serpents. Bronze pole. Confused commentators. (Numbers 21)
Talking donkey smarter than the preacher. (Numbers 22-24)
How'd they know where Rahab lived? (Joshua 2)
Jericho's thin walls can't handle trumpets. (Joshua 6)
Sun stands still. Explain that, Copernicus. (Joshua 10)
Samson becomes argument for long hair. (Judges 13-16)
Cute foreigner seduces rich old farmer. (Ruth)
King Saul is candidate for recall. (1 Samuel 16)
David doesn't need a ten-foot pole. (1 Samuel 17)
David and Jonathan, Batman and Robin. (1 Samuel 18)
King David dances in his skivvies. (2 Samuel 6)
Absalom's hair gets him hung up. (2 Samuel 18)
Solomon passes on cash, chooses wisdom. (1 Kings 3)
Solomon says, "Cut the baby!" "No!" (1 Kings 3)
Ahab marries Jezebel, should've dated more. (1 Kings 16-22)
Elijah sets off big fireworks display. (1 Kings 18)
Dogs lick up Ahab's blood, yuck. (1 Kings 22)
Elijah takes fast and furious chariot. (2 Kings 2)
Naaman bathes in muddy river, spotless! (2 Kings 5)
Beauty pageant winner takes down anti-semite. (Esther)
Job's wife gets raw deal, too. (Job)
Daniel refuses meat. Lions refuse Daniel. (Daniel 1-6)
Whale eats upsetting prophet, throws up. (Jonah)
Christmas: only cold day in Bible. (Luke 2)
King Herod has no Christmas spirit. (Matthew 2)
Simeon stops looking for blue blankets. (Luke 2)
Twelve-year-old Jesus gets lost at church. (Luke 2)
John the Baptist, Willie Nelson's haircut. (Matthew 3)
Jesus gets baptized. Father attends ceremony. (Matthew 3)
Satan tempts Jesus with temple bungee-jump. (Matthew 4)
Jesus calls, Zebedee loses free labor. (Matthew 4)
Jesus heals mother-in-law, son-in-law mostly relieved. (Matthew 4)
Nazareth congregation unhappy with the preacher. (Luke 4)
Blessed are the who? For sure? (Matthew 5)
Jesus suggests fasting, church potlucks nonetheless. (Matthew 6)
Jesus tells storm to shut up. (Mark 4)
Jesus brings Sauvignon Blanc to party. (John 2)
Nic at Night, prominent minister flummoxed. (John 3)
Jesus takes a little boy's lunch. (John 6)
Adulterous woman caught, where's the man? (John 8)
Jesus walks on water. Don't try. (Matthew 14)
Good Samaritan makes priest look bad. (Luke 10)
Fatted calf wishes prodigal stayed away. (Luke 15)
Lazarus waves at wealthy weenie in hell. (Luke 16)
Leper comes back, provides Thanksgiving text. (Luke 17)
Sycamore tree in Jericho becomes famous. (Luke 19)
Jesus misses Lazarus' funeral, makes amends. (John 11)
Jesus rides donkey, but crowds cheer. (Luke 19)
Jesus curses defenseless fig tree, huh? (Mark 11)
Jesus ruins stewardship day at temple. (Matthew 21)
Widow's two pennies, stewardship day saved. (Matthew 23)
Jesus washes feet, doesn't catch on. (John 13)
Peter promises to be brave, fails. (Matthew 26)
Jesus promises the cross, then delivers. (Matthew 27)
Men hide, women go to tomb. (Luke 24)
Christ is risen, is risen indeed! (Luke 24)
Spirit interrupts first church business meeting. (Acts 2)
Stephen should have rotated off diaconate. (Acts 6-7)
Fire-breathing Saul knocked off high horse. (Acts 9)
Paul in prison: favorite hymn night. (Acts 16)
Old Jerusalem done, New Jerusalem upgrade. (Revelation 21-22)
What if we try to sum up the whole Bible in six words?
We mess up. God loves anyway.